Finally, a quick-start guide that works for both adults who are new to the Internet and for children, eyes still bright from the wonderment of the online frontier.
- You must fear the Internet
- Inculcate, don’t avoid
- You will only be attacked if it’s funny
Number One: You Must Fear The Internet
The Internet giveth, and the Internet taketh away. Treat it like a mythical god which will punish you for not performing the proper sacrifices or for boasting that you are above it. You are a pebble in the ocean. To start, you must admit that by using the Internet, it can destroy your life and your family’s life. Treat every online interaction by thinking: If I post this, or download that, does it have even the smallest grain of a chance that it will insult or cross the wrong person and ruin me?
Number Two: Inculcate, Don’t Avoid
Stare at Goatse until you can look into its depths for a full minute without flinching. Watch Liveleak and r/WatchPeopleDie while eating dinner. You will never avoid shocking imagery, so just get used to it. Read the comment section. Read websites you find to be distasteful and hateful.
Number Three: You Will Only Be Attacked If It’s Funny
If someone is making fun of you online, either have the ability to banter right back or choose to ignore it. Any other option will always turn out worse. Choosing to ignore mean words online can be difficult, but this is why computers and cell phones have power switches. Put down the phone. Walk away.
Go to your Facebook page and post until you get banned.
Go to YouTube and post until you get banned.
Go to Bodybuilding Forum and post until you get banned.
Grief on League of Legends until you get banned.
Start a Twitter account and post until you get banned.
Go to 4chan and post until you get banned.
Find a random gaming forum and post until you get banned.